Adapting to Changing Technology Proving a Challenge for Aging "Ghostface" Killer

The timeless adage about teaching old dogs new tricks has never been more applicable to the slasher than it is right now.

By The Rotting Corpse

The Rotting Corpse is a weekly satire column dedicated to poking fun at our many horror favorites. For daily horror news and updates, be sure to check out the Dead Entertainment home page.

From being left on read to failed attempts at slipping into a potential victim's DMs, 2020 has proven to be a challenging year for the infamous "Ghostface" killer — and it appears to be trending further in that direction with each passing day. Modern communication is a far cry from what it was in the '90s, when the serial slasher rose to prominence and racked up a body count that would make most killers deeply envious. However, failing to adapt to changing times could spell trouble for the beleaguered psychopath, and perhaps even result in him, and his heinous exploits, fading into obscurity for good.

"With how often everybody is glued to their mobile phones, you would think it would be easy to harass that perfect victim-to-be you just spotted at the dry cleaners," explained Ghostface. "Everybody is on social media, right? Well, I don't get it. I look up someone's name, find all these matching profiles, and all of them are set to private. No picture. How the hell am I supposed to know which one is that little Jane Doe I want to talk to about scary movies? This just isn't working anymore."

In recent years, more and more social media users young and old alike have become more privacy conscious and prefer to keep their online circles limited to select company only. This means less unwanted contact, messages, and requests from strangers, as well as a more personal, arguably healthier online presence among chosen friendly faces. For serial stalkers like Ghostface, who rely on contacting and intimidating victims before striking, this is a drastically changing landscape.

Gone are the days you could just dial up a phone number taken from the white pages and expect an answer. Phone calls are being screened more than ever as well, thanks to increases in spam and robocalling, leaving little recourse for a killer struggling to adapt to this new technological normal. With these trends showing no sign of slowing down, it is sink or swim for those unable to keep up.

"Look, I'm not that much of a dinosaur," insisted Ghostface. "I get how it all works. I just tried to slip into someone's DMs the other day, but I was immediately blocked. I didn't even get a response or a 'fuck off, creep.' What's up with that? Hell, I even shot out some text messages to these random numbers I looked up only to be left on unread. That's just disrespectful. Anyway, it kind of feels like I'm being left behind these days, like there isn't a place for me anymore. I really don't know what to do."

At press time, Ghostface suffered another disheartening blow when he logged into Twitter only to discover he had been permanently banned from the platform. When he was finally able to log in to his Yahoo! Mail account after numerous failed attempts and being locked out for 15 minutes two separate times, he discovered the social media network had taken issue with his numerous all caps, profanity-laden Tweets directed at scores of random women, many of whom were likely bots. Bemoaning this unjust level of censorship, the now-irrelevant killer promptly signed up for an account at Parler.