Yule-Die Having a Great Time Watching Santa’s Slay!
"It looks like the killings form… the shape of a Christmas tree."
Editor's note: Welcome to the first installment of "Awesome Reviews," a column dedicated to the most ridiculous, over-the-top, and amazing films we can find. Note that these reviews will contain spoilers, but it won't make you want to watch these classics any less, I assure you. Joe will be periodically reviewing awesome movies in an awesome way so stay tuned!
From the moment that Santa’s Slay kicks off, you know you’re in for one hell of a sleigh ride! Pun totally intended. This 2005 film, written and directed by David Steiman, pulls out all the holiday stops, and puns, to keep you going for a full 1 hour and 18 minutes. Needless to say, the general overview is that Santa, the only other immaculate conception (you know, other than Jesus), is in fact Satan’s child and is over the whole bringing every good boy and girl gifts business. He decides to start bringing a little YULE TIDE FEAR instead to the township of Hell. I know – spectacular, right? I loved it for sure.
Fast forward and we learn that the main protagonist is the grandson of an angel that won a curling game bet with Santa 1000 years ago, which is why he was the Santa we all know for so long. Everything is explained via the “Book of Claus” (think the Necronomicon here) and there is an awesome claymation scene to go along with it. We all know from the get-go that Santa’s not going to win the fight, and he doesn’t. In fact, he loses another curling game bet, his reindeer (which is a NORSE BISON - see image above) is blown up and he ends up taking an airplane home to the north pole. All these things aside, there are some key takeaways that I don’t think any appreciative viewer could disregard.
- Santa is played by BILL GOLDBERG. Phenomenal.
- At one point Santa lights Fran Drescher (you know, the Nanny from 90s television) on fire then drowns her in a punch bowl. Priceless.
- There are at least seven (7) SHAMELESS puns made in this movie. This movie is ”more than meets the eye” if you know what I mean.
- There is a dog named scribbles who is punted by Santa into a ceiling fan and then flung, by the fan, through a fireplace hearth (that Santa busted up) all while Tchaikovsky’s “Trepak” is playing in the background – so tastefully done.
- Santa pulls up at a strip club named “Gold Diggers” and lights it on fire while staring down some ladies. Then his NORSE BISON reindeer eats the valet driver. He also electrocutes a trucker. Loved it.
- All these items aside (and there are so many more to be seen, and enjoyed, believe me) Santa is a classy gent. He ALWAYS, ALWAYS, hangs his hat on a coat rack. You know, before he starts killing everyone.
- Santa can shoot fireballs from his mouth.
Well. Just about everything is good about this movie, if not great. Santa’s Slay is an all-around good time and is worth a watch if you’re sitting at home over the holidays drinking with friends, or hanging out with a loved one. The execution (get it?) of this film combines memorable characters, ridiculous situations, a teenage awkward love story, murder, and mayhem – by Santa, who is killing and terrorizing people – and puts an amazing bow on top in the form of a great soundtrack. This is one Christmas gift that will be sure to keep on giving.
Not much if you take the film for what it is supposed to be. Take off that monocle, stop over analyzing, and you’ll receive the Christmas gift that is Santa’s Slay as well. Objectively, this film is aware of how cringe-worthy its puns are, how ridiculous its murder scenes are, and how (possibly – almost definitely) offensive it is being. Maybe one little issue is that Santa’s sleigh (not to be confused with slay here) is modeled after a Norwegian Viking conqueror’s ship? Nah, I didn’t think so either. I thought that was cool too.
If you are looking for a feel good, holiday, rom-com, action, horror film that has BILL GOLDBERG starring as SANTA CLAUS, this is the film for you. I loved this film and all of its innuendos, puns, and general craziness. Packed into one sweet, simple Christmas package for us all to enjoy, Santa’s Slay is sure to bring you the same Yule-tide glee it brought me.