PR Disaster: Security Firm Hires Deadly Predators for Hospital COVID-19 Screenings

While the creatures’ thermal vision easily detect symptoms of the virus, would-be visitors can’t even make it past the testing checkpoint alive.

By The Rotting Corpse

The Rotting Corpse is a weekly satire column dedicated to poking fun at our many horror favorites. For daily horror news and updates, be sure to check out the Dead Entertainment home page.

LOS ANGELES - The future of G4S Secure Solutions, the security company contracted by the city’s local hospitals, is in jeopardy after hiring deadly extraterrestrial creatures known as Predators to man COVID-19 screening checkpoints. It is suspected this was a desperate move made by the company due to its constant struggle to maintain an adequate security detail at various locations.

“We are taking this matter very seriously and assume full responsibility for this critical error in judgment.” said Larissa Bovarti, CEO of G4S Secure Solutions, in a statement made to the media on Wednesday. It is uncertain how these creatures were even hired in the first place, but the advantages their thermal vision technology have in quickly detecting symptoms of the virus is believed to be one of the key reasons.

Making matters worse is the fact that the Predators have taken control of the hospitals and repurposed them as their planetary base of operations. According to a survivor who managed to escape one facility, numerous staff members and patients were brutally massacred after they took up arms using sharp objects and other makeshift weapons. Interestingly, persons who stayed out of the creatures’ way were not perceived to be a threat and went unharmed during all the commotion.

“G4S is working closely with governments and local law enforcement agencies to have this disturbing issue resolved in a timely fashion,” Bovarti added. “At this time, for your safety and protection, we are requesting that everyone please maintain a physical distance away from all hospitals located in the city until further notice—regardless of whether it’s an emergency or not.”

These Predators could have been an appropriate substitute to man these posts instead of endangering human security guards in these positions. Had it not been for the creatures killing would-be visitors carrying concealed firearms as they approached the screening area, this arrangement might have worked out great. Stay tuned for updates.