Nemesis Announces Colgate Sponsorship to Promote a Cleaner, Healthier Smile

Don’t let the season’s sweets and holiday treats keep you from looking like a star next year.

By The Rotting Corpse

The Rotting Corpse is a weekly satire column dedicated to poking fun at our many horror favorites. For daily horror news and updates, be sure to check out the Dead Entertainment home page.

RACCOON CITY – Local bio-organic weapon Nemesis was created by Umbrella Pharmaceuticals with one goal in mind: to relentlessly seek a cleaner, healthier smile for all. With this mission well underway, the “Pursuer,” as he has come to be known as, has just announced a new partnership with Colgate toothpaste, promising to deliver a whiter smile that is sure to make you go viral.

“Stars,” said Nemesis as he began this morning’s press conference. “You will all feel like stars thanks to my upcoming line of whitening strips from Colgate. Through our new partnership, we have worked tirelessly in pursuit of the perfect whitening technology. We are pleased to announce we are on track for release this Valentine’s Day. Whether you have a date or are still tracking down that special somebody, there’s no better place to start than a whiter smile.”

The spokesperson’s infamous chompers are the first in line for the Nemesis-T Type Whitening Strips pilot. Over the next few weeks, Nemesis will be sharing his progress across all major social media channels, showing just how his relentless pursuit of a whiter smile will pay off. However, some Raccoon City residents are opposed to this product rollout, citing dangerous chemicals and unreliable testing methods as key reasons for why it should be delayed at minimum or cancelled altogether.

“We just don’t know what they are putting in these whitening strips,” explained local activist Jill Valentine. “Umbrella has a shady track record at best. And at worst, they are doing some downright nefarious experiments under the veil of a long history of cover-ups. One day, all of their wrongdoings will come to light, just you wait. This product absolutely should be cancelled.”

At press time, following the release and widespread popularity of the Nemesis T-Type Whitening Strips across Raccoon City, a mysterious outbreak unfolded, turning the majority of residents into mindless, flesh-craving undead. Nemesis, furious at Valentine for spearheading a smear campaign against his flagship product, hits the streets to track her down and will stop at nothing to see her brought to justice for sabotaging the company’s secret plans to go global with its new bioweapon.