Official Synopsis for Horror Film Pretty Much Covers It
It sure didn’t take long to get the gist of everything that’s going to happen.
The Rotting Corpse is a weekly satire column dedicated to poking fun at our many horror favorites. For daily horror news and updates, be sure to check out the Dead Entertainment home page.
LOS ANGELES – Filmmaking newcomer Lambert Burns is hard at work marketing his upcoming horror movie, Guts, and he now believes he’s nailed down the perfect synopsis to send to news outlets. Typically, such an official description might set the stage for the film and touch on the basics of what moviegoers can expect while watching, but Burns was kind of on a roll and just kept writing.
“I always have a hard time coming up with these things,” he lamented. “I mean, there are so many surprises in this film that I’d hate to see someone not give it a chance because the synopsis sounded boring. So you try to include some of those moments so the reader knows what you’re going for, but it’s hard to pick just one and you end up cramming just a little bit more into it. You know what I mean?”
The end result is a synopsis that could only be described as a detailed summary of the entire film, from beginning to end, complete with thorough descriptions of every twist and turn the story takes. Even the ending’s big reveal is broken down on its own dedicated page, rendering an hour-and-a-half watch of the movie almost completely pointless in light of how much is given away just by reading about it.
“In the gripping final act,” the third page of the synopsis begins. “The identity of the true killer comes to light as the false sheriff is unmasked and his dark secret is revealed. Were it not for his hubris during his earlier showdown with our hitman-turned-hero, this villain might have escaped justice, but alas, thanks to a last-minute shift in judgment by his longtime accomplice, the tables are turned on the violent murderer and he falls victim to his own trap….or does he? Right at the end, a scream and stabbing sound are heard as it becomes clear the killer is still alive. This terrifying tale is far from over.”
“My main objective with this was to make sure I covered all the essentials,” Burns explained, shuffling his multiple-page document around on his desk. “Between the first and second acts, so much happens and it would be a disservice if I didn’t slightly allude to these events in the synopsis. I think there’s finally enough here for the reader to get the gist of what my movie’s about without giving everything away.”
At press time, horror fans who passed on watching this movie after reading the synopsis were eagerly looking forward to checking out the synopsis for the sequel.
Horror Fans Rejoice: Friday the 13th Falls on Halloween, Christmas, and the 4th of July This Year
Despite what the mainstream media wants you to believe, this is going to be a great year for horror.
Horror Writer's Attempts at Using Canadian English in Articles a Totally Hopeless Battle
Did this proud Canadian scribe really believe all of these extra letters would pass the editing table at an American publication?
Resident Evil 4 Remake to Feature COVID-19 Infected Merchant
Despite wearing multiple pieces of personal protective equipment, this mysterious dealer has unsurprisingly tested positive for the virus.
Haunted House Owner Scrambling to Come Up with Socially-Distant Scares in Time for Halloween
As businesses continue to reopen around the nation, all eyes are firmly on disinfection and sanitization efforts to safely accommodate patrons.