Introducing Alive Entertainment: More Positive Coverage for a More Positive World (April Fool's 2019)
Death and the horror genre are just too negative, so it's time for us to cover some happier stories.
The Rotting Corpse is a weekly satire column dedicated to poking fun at all of our horror favorites. For daily horror news and updates, be sure to check out the Dead Entertainment home page.
It has been nearly a year and a half since Dead Entertainment first opened its doors and, honestly, it's been taking quite the toll on us. That's not to say that delivering quality content with a healthy respect for our readers' time, free of shady practices such as clickbait, spam, and fake news, is too much work for us. It's nothing like that at all. Honestly, the horror genre is just too negative all around. What's with all the death and killing? Why can't we focus on the living for a change?
Because of this, we would like to introduce an all-new rebranding for the website, one that focuses on more positive things in life than the bitter end. Welcome to Alive Entertainment!
Step aside, Jason and Michael, we aren't interested in seeing you chop any teenagers to bits. Not anymore. The negativity from you guys is just a little too much, so we are going to put on something that puts a smile on our face. There are plenty of great romantic comedies out there, not to mention sappy love stories and inspiring tales of real-life heroes. It's time we focus on the good for a change and get some positive morale flowing through both us as well as our readers. What made you happy today?
Not only are we shifting our focus away from the negative horror genre, we will also be making a number of other changes site-wide. For example, we used to have a column titled "Dead Beats" in which we focused on horror-related or horror-inspired music. That column has since been renamed to "Life Beats," which will strictly cover songs that are particularly inspiring or have the ability to impact a listener's day on a spiritual level. Let's get those positive vibes rolling!
In addition, our weekly podcast formerly known as "Way of Life (LIVE!)" has been renamed to "Way of Life (ALIVE!)" to better get across the message that you, the listener, are alive and that you matter. Weekly horror and geek news discussion in this format will be replaced by personal development seminars and workshops focused on bringing out a better you. There is a certain power within all of us, an intangible force for doing good, and we will our find that power together. It's time we switch from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset and build a better tomorrow... Together!
Finally, Alive Entertainment will have a renewed focus on charitable giving. Instead of hosting fan sweepstakes to build our followers and reader engagement, we have decided to donate all of our leftover horror merchandise to the needy. From Jason masks and Freddy gloves to signed photos of John Carpenter, all of it will be sent to families who really need it. Our hearts are bursting with fulfillment just thinking about a child keeping warm next winter with a fedora and green-and-red sweater. Bringing such happiness to the world is something we have dreamed of for a long time.
We want to thank everybody who has tuned in to Dead Entertainment's coverage thus far, but we are hoping you will stick around as we strive to build a better, more positive tomorrow filled with love, hope, respect, and gratitude.
Thanks for reading, and while you're here, we would also like to wish you a Happy April Fool's Day. We hope you have a truly special day!