Billy Loomis Denies Killings, Releases New Book

He’s not saying he was the killer, but if he was, this is what he’d have done.

By The Rotting Corpse

The Rotting Corpse is a weekly satire column dedicated to poking fun at our many horror favorites. For daily horror news and updates, be sure to check out the Dead Entertainment home page.

Over twenty years have passed, but the world has not forgotten the sensation surrounding the case of Billy Loomis, who was acquitted of the murders of several Woodsboro High School students. The trial went on for a total of 11 months and it finally reached its conclusion when the prosecution asked Loomis to try on the Halloween mask he would have worn to commit the murders.

The problem was the mask did not fit properly at all. This convinced the jury that he could not have committed these heinous crimes if the mask he would have worn did not fit him. Within 24 hours, Loomis was unanimously declared innocent and walked away a free man.

Since then. Loomis has willingly appeared in several documentaries and written a few books of his own about his ordeals. He presently lives a peaceful life in harmony with nature somewhere in the outskirts of Colorado, thanks to a hefty family inheritance and profits from his works and appearances in the media.

After several years of silence, Loomis recently emerged from the shadows and surprised his social media followers with an announcement about his new book, titled If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer. Have a look at the book cover below.

“I’m not saying I’m the killer but hypothetically, if I was, this is how things would go down,” explained Loomis in a recent interview. “I find it hilarious how people still believe I murdered my schoolmates and that’s where the idea for this book came from, which simply entertains the thought of me as the killer, which I’m not.” After reaching out to Loomis directly, Dead Entertainment was able to obtain several exclusive excerpts from his new book. Check them out below.

Excerpt 1:


Excerpt 2:


Excerpt 3:


Coincidentally the description of these hypothetical scenarios accurately matches forensic evidence and eyewitness accounts of each of the murders. It’s likely that Loomis is simply providing his readers with accurate details and the only real spin on the story is he’s the killer, instead of the real culprit who remains at large all these years later.

All the evidence seems to point to him being the killer otherwise, except for the mask that didn’t fit. Nobody would buy himself a smaller-sized mask and that fact destroys any credibility of theories one may have about him being the culprit. Loomis is innocent and he didn’t do it, but if he did, he just wants people to know his version would coincide precisely with police records of the events.

At press time, Billy Loomis was celebrating his latest book being added to The New York Times Best Seller list. He poured himself a glass of red wine, sat on his porch, and chuckled quietly to himself.